Each city in the southeastern part of the United States has its own unique type of specialty food that can be only found in that city, and it all happens to be called 'barbecue'. - Jim Gaffigan
I resent when I go out to dinner and they try to sell me the healthy food for the same price as the good food. - Jim Gaffigan
The only thing weaker than a toddler's handshake is their immune system. - Jim Gaffigan
For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again. - Jim Gaffigan